November
6, 2005--I did try
to return to work on Nov.. 1st, but it was a mistake. After 5 hours, Anne and
Cyrus had to drive me and my car home. I felt awful, and didn't work the rest
of the week. I think I can safely say this was the worst week of my life. I called
my oncologist's nurse every day, and she assurred me that "this too shall
pass." Finally, on Thurs. the 3rd, she told me to come in and see Dr. Towell
the next day. After questioning me at length, Dr. Towell surmised that the steroids
I have to take for 5 days with each chemo infusion may have messed with my thyroid
levels. I told her that I felt like I was dying. She told me I wasn't dying and
had her staff infuse me with fluids and more steroids. They also did blood work
that showed good counts on everything. A chem panel showed that everything was
normal there also. The thyroid test will be back tomorrow, the 7th, and we should
then find out if I need to vary the dosage of thyroid hormone I take. I've been
on it for 15 years. By that evening, I was beginning to feel a little better.
By Saturday, I still wasn't up to par, but was able to walk the dog for a few
minutes in the morning and evening.
Something new has come up. I was told
that digestive difficulties were a possibility. Of course, I didn't think it would
happen to me. I began to experience a burning in the esophagus whenever I ate
meat with any seasoning on it. Dr. Towell says to take Pepcid. That does seem
to help.
Today was the Komen Race for the Cure. My daughter Stefanie's team
collected nearly $1800 in donations. Lee and I met them for breakfast after the
race and I told hem how proud I was of all of them. I had to fight back a tear
or 2. I had 2 breakfast tacos and half a biscuit. That is the most I've eaten
at one sitting for awhile. November
7, 2005--Hallelujah, I did make it to work today. It was so good to be there
and have something constructive to do and be with my work buddies. Dr. Towell's
nurse called and told me that the thyroid test definitely showed I was low in
it. So that solves that mystery. I am hopeful that the dosage can be adjusted
the next time I take a chemo treatment with the requisite steroids so that I don't
get sick like I did last week. I say sick--it didn't involve any vomiting or anything
like that, just extreme fatigue. November
12, 2005--This is Saturday. I made it through the entire work week without
missing a day. That is an accomplishment because I didn't feel all that great
some of the times. And I managed to get some stuff done at work. It's a good feeling.
I
saw Dr. Towell yesterday and had blood work done. It all looked good, I'm happy
to say. She had recommended that I get a flu shot, but I have to tell you I had
reservations about it. They wanted me to sign a form absolving the clinic of responsbility
in case something went wrong. One of the items mentioned Thimerasol, a preservative
used in the vaccine. I thought that the use of this preservative had been discontinued.
It contains mercury. I asked Dr. Towell if she thought it likely that my white
cell count would stay up and she said she thought so. In that case, I decided
not to take the vaccination. Mercury, as in all toxic metals, are cumulative in
the body. She explained that it was a benefit/risk ratio thing. I'll just be very
cautious and not be in crowds of people, and do a lot of hand-washing. It was
a difficult decision to make.
I recently read a book by Bill Bryson, The
Lost Continent,and thoroughly enjoyed it. His writings mostly appear in the
travel section of bookstores. It made me laugh a lot. And why do I bring this
up? I would like for people to give me recommendations of other humorous books.
I find that belly laughs make me feel good. So, if you have any recommendations,
please email me. November
17, 2005--This hasn't been the best of all possible days. I find myself getting
paranoid of germs and catching "something." I've never felt that way
before in my life. I believe that it is irrational to feel that way, as my white
blood cell count has been good so far. If you've ever watched that show on USA
about the obsessive-compulsive detective, Monk,
that's what I remind myself of sometimes. I even went so far as to buy some masks
at the store this evening. I suppose anxiety about my chemo treatment tomorrow
may have something to do with my strange feelings.
To compound matters, my
implant has been giving me fits today. I probably should have called Dr. Montero,
but I was quite busy at work today. When I got home I took a valium, which is
supposed to relax the muscles and relieve some of the discomfort. My mind needs
to relax too.
I told Brian, my boss, that I would be out tomorrow, but would
try to come back to work on Monday, without making any promises. Fortunately,
I learned that I have several days of paid time off still to take this year. That
is good news, in case I have to miss more work. I hope I don't, but with these
chemo treatments we just don't know. If I have to, I could even take Family Medical
Leave. I just hope it doesn't come to that.
At the store this evening I loaded
up on bottled water and salty nuts. Last time my sodium level was too low and
I got dehydrated. That is probably why I felt so bad there for several days. I
am hopeful that we can prevent a repeat of that experience. Peace, out, homies.. November
23, 2005--The 3rd treatment turned out to be not quite as bad as the 2nd.
I wasn't quite as wiped out and was able to return to work on Tues. the 22nd,
instead of having to miss a whole week of work. It seems that taking my thryroid
hormone on an empty stomach first thing in the morning has made a significant
difference. I also ate some salty foods and tried to stay hydrated a little better.
Dr. Towell also had me taper off the steroid dexamethsasone rather than going
cold turkey after 5 days. I have managed to walk at least a little bit every day.
Yesterday I walked twice for a total of about 20 minutes.
What this all points
up to me is that the chemo experience is highly individualized. I had heard that
every treatment is different, even for the same person. The required steroid seems
to affect me as much as the actual chemo drugs. For instance, I put in a very
restless night last night. Although I fell asleep quickly, I must have wakened
4 or 5 times. Now that I don't have to take any today, perhaps I will not suffer
that again, until next time. I am now half-way through the scheduled 6 treaments.
I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Yesterday was a sweet craving
day. That has happened to me with each treatment. I don't normally have a sweet
tooth, but I have really come to understand what that means now. I had to have
chocolate cake yesterday. Actually, the day before I ate a piece of carrot cake.
I attribute that to the steroid also. | November
26, 2005--Thanksgiving has come and gone now. It has been an interesting week,
to say the least. My good intentions were to go to work the Wed. before Thanksgiving,
but that was not to be. After I made my journal entry on Nove. 23rd I was going
to go to work for the day. After breakfast, I started feeling so horrible there
was no way I was going to get in the car and drive anywhere.
I continued to
feel like crap the next day as well. Lee prepared a turkey. Stefanie was here
and mashed the potoatoes, her special talent. After the meal, I had an anxiety
attack. I thought I was going to have to have Lee take me to the e.r. Fortunately,
I had presence of mind enough to take a valium. God bless the drug people who
invented that stuff. In about an hour or so I started to feel in control of myself
again. I didn't want Lee and Stef to know what was happening to me, don't ask
me why. Rationality is not one's strong suit during an anxiety attack.
Friday
after T-day I was feeling a little better, well enough to walk the dog a couple
of times for 15-20 minutes each. I also donned my surgical mask and went to the
grocery store with Lee. I've decided that I must use the mask to limit my exposure
to whatever kinds of germs the public is distributing around the store, kids with
snotty noses, people with coughs, etc. I try to keep from touching my face before
I can get home and wash my hands.
Today I felt better than yesterday. I managed
to walk my dog down to the river bridge and back, about 30 minutes, and we're
talking hills here. I wasn't easy and I was pretty tired afterwards, but it is
a good feeling to know that I have some stamina now.
Lee and I went to the
grocery store again today. I used the mask again. It's not so bad. I just can't
afford to pick up any of those stray bugs that seem to be making the rounds in
ernest this time of year.
Lee and I both talked to my mother-in-law recently.
We had to let her know that we won't be going up home to Kansas for Christmas
this year. I'm sure it wasn't a surprise for her, but she is sad about it anyway.
Lee told her maybe we can come up in the spring, after I recover from the treatments. December
3, 2005--Dang it, I have miscalculated the date of my last treatment. I thought
it was going to be January 13th. It is actually January 20th. That must have been
wishful thinking. I saw Dr. Towell yesterday. She thinks I am doing quite well.
At least I didn't have to call their office for anything after the 3rd treatment.
I told her that after the 6th (and final) one maybe I'll have this figured out.
My hemoglobin has slipped to just below normal. She wasn't too concerned about
it. It does concern me, though, because it has been a downward trend since the
beginning. There is a drug for that called Procrit, but I hope to avoid having
to use it. Of course, the chemo drugs are causing the decline, but I also have
a theory that my digestion has been below par and I am not breaking my food down,
resulting in my not getting enough of the proper nutrients for blood building.
So, I'm going to try a digestive aid and some dessicated liver.
Did I mentioned
that I had developed acid reflux? That occurred a few days after the last treatment
and lasted about a week. I have tried Zantac and Pepcid. They do help some. Dr.
Towell says the steroid irritates the stomach lining and that is the cause of
the excess acid. As long as I know it's temporary, I guess I can tolerate it.
I
worked a full week last week. It wears me out. After I get home from work, walk
the dog for a little bit, and eat supper, I hit the couch, go out like a light
for about 2 hours. Then I get up and actually go to bed. I am sleeping fairly
well. That gives me a total of about 10 hours of sleep per day. Oh well, whatever
it takes.. December
9, 2005--I am feeling so ambivalent this morning. On the one hand I am extremely
anxious to get these chemo treatments over. On the other hand, I am dreading the
treatment I have to take today. I had to start the steroid last night in preparation
for the drug infusions today. It was all I could to do make myself take it, knowing
what dreadful side effects it has had on me in the past. This time, I think I'm
going to try taking aloe vera juice to try to protect my gastrointestinal system.
It can't hurt, and maybe it will help. I did that with the first treatment and
did not have acid reflux. Not sure why I gave it up, probably because the stuff
doesn't taste very good.
My office has a Christmas luncheon every year. It
is scheduled for Dec. 12th this year and I will have to miss it. I know there
is no way I will be able to attend anything 3 days from now. My boss seemed to
feell badly that I couldn't be there with everyone. Another lady is now out on
medical leave after surgery and probably won't be there either. He said the 3
of us could go out for our luncheon after the first of the year sometime. I told
him there will be other Christmases.
Speaking of which, Lee and I are basically
skipping Christmas this year. I just don't have the impetus it takes to do all
those Christmas cards, decorate the house, buy gifts, etc. I did buy Stefanie
2 new pairs of glasses and told her that was her Christmas present this year.
Lee ordered sports wear (White Sox) for Cissy and Steve. We have decided that
our gifts to each other will be a new dictionary. Stefanie borrowed most of our
Christmas decorations to use in her apartment. However, our lights are still strung
up on a tree in our backyard--our Festivus Pole. You Seinfeld fans will know what
that means. December
11, 2005--Well, I have survived another chemo treatment. Most of my blood
work was in the normal ranges, a little low on calcium and carbon dioxide. I take
lost of calcium supplements and drink milk, so don't quite understand that one.
The CO2 thing is a complete mystery. I'll ask Dr. Towell about it the next time
I get get a chance. We got home around 3:00 on Fri. and I slept most of the day,
crawled right into bed and pulled up the covers. I try to drink as much water
as I can, which means that my sleep gets interupted quite often. It was especially
the case Fri. night. But last night was a better rest. I only was able to nap
a short time yesterday afternoon. Lee took me to town for my Neulasta shot. That
stuff works like a charm on me to keep my white cell count up. Today I feel pretty
punky, but did walk the dog out to the the stopsign and back, a total of about
400 yards. It's not much, but at least it is something.
The damned steroid
makes me have frequent hot flashes. That is no fun either. It isn't so bad when
the weather is cool. I can just go outside for a minute or so and they pass pretty
quickly. I told Lee that's what I like about being up in KS in the winter. If
I have a hot flash, I only need step out in the cold (10°-15°) and thoses
flashes dissipate almost instantaneously. But, alas, I will have to miss that
pleasure this year.
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