July 10, 2005 --While I was getting dressed to go for a walk this morning I noticed that my right nipple had inverted. Thinking that I had mashed it flat during my sleep, I tried to pull it out, to no avail. Then I noticed that there was a hard area in and under the nipple. A few days earlier I had noticed a tingling in the nipple. Having put on a few pounds this year, I thought maybe my bra had gotten too small and dismissed it. But the inverted nipple and hard spot definitely got my attention. Later that day, I informed my husband Lee and my daughter Stefanie that I had a problem. My friend Helen happened to call just to chat. I told her about my fears. Helen is a nurse and a very caring, Christian friend. It must have been the Holy Spirit directing her to call me today. I certainly needed her.

July 11, 2005--After arriving at my desk at work, I called to see if I could get in to see my physician, Dr. Thadani. They gave me an appointment to see her that afternoon. She examined me and advised that I needed to get a mammogram asap and also to see the surgeon with her group, Dr. Regan. I was able to get the mammogram and ultrasound the next day, but wasn't able to get an appointment with Dr. Regan until July 19th. I really didn't want to have to wait that long, but accepted it anyway. I told a few friends at work about my lump.

July 12, 2005--I had an appointment at Women's Imaging Center. They did mammograms of both breasts, and an ultrasound of the right one with the problem. My last mammography had been done at North Austin Medical Center, in 2003. The Women's Imaging Center staff told me they really did need the earlier films to make a comparison. Ok, so I called NAMC to see about picking up the films. Later that day, I picked up the films and delivered them to the Imaging Center--something that turned out to be an exercise in futility.

July 13, 2005--During an offsite function I had to attend, I had a conversation with another employee of my company. She had breast cancer 3 years ago and was doing quite well. Jerry was very supportive and asked me to keep her posted about my situation.

July 16, 2005--I received a form letter in the mail from Austin Radiological Association (Women's Imaging Center) telling me that the mammograms were normal, but that sometimes they don't always detect cancer and that I should do self exams and have exams by my physician. I hate to say it, but this gave me a false sense of security. How could I possibly have cancer if nothing shows on the radiology?

July 19, 2005--Lee accompanied me to the appointment with Dr. Regan. I got into the silly little gown they always give you. Dr. Regan asked me a series of questions. Is there a family history of breast cancer? Not really. As far as I know, I have one female relative who has had the disease, a first cousin on my dad's side. She got it at age 49 and has been a survivor for 11 years. Like me, my cousin took HRT in her 40's. I am now 57, and have been off of HRT for almost 3 years. Dr. Regan injected anesthetic into my right breast and took a sample of tissue from the areola and finished the job with a couple of stitches and a bandage. Keep this on for 48 hours, he said. You'll need to come back at the end of next week to take out the stitches. The pathology report may be here by Friday the 22nd, or more likely Monday the 25th. It seemed like an eternity to wait, but what choice did we have?

July 25, 2005--My friends at work are asking if I have heard anything yet. No, nothing yet. I tried to call and speak to Dr. Regan's nurse, Terri. I was told that Dr. Regan had my chart and that they would let me know. By this time I'm starting to get a little antsy.

July 26, 2005--I called the medical office again and insisted that I wanted to know something. A little later, Dr. Regan called and told me that he really didn't like to convey this type of information over the phone, but that my sample "had cancer in it." At this point I felt a strange sensation not unlike a hot flash all over my body. It seemed like a dream, extremely unreal. This is undoubtedly a common reaction when someone is handed such news. Dr. Regan said to come in and discuss my condition further on Thursday the 28th. I called my husband Lee to give him the news. I'm sure it was a terrible shock to him as well. I also told my work friend Cyrus, and my boss Brian. I told them I wanted to stand there and scream "fuck," at the top of my lungs. As I was leaving work, my daughter Stefanie called me on my cell. She started haranguing me about something and I asked if we could talk about it later, that I wasn't really feeling like having this conversation. Why, she said, what's wrong. I told her we needed to talk about that later too. . No, she insisted that I tell her right then. Ok, I have cancer. I could hear the tears coming to her and she started to sob. I'm not going to die, but it is something that will cause me a lot of hassle and trouble, but I'll get through it. Please don't cry.

July 27, 2005--I came into work as usual. My friend Susan stopped by my cubicle to see how I was doing and if I had heard anything. Her reaction when I told her was kind of unexpected. Tears welled up in her eyes and she gave me a big hug. It just didn't occur to me that my news was going to make anyone (other than Stefanie) cry. I am so touched and humbled that people care this much about me. That evening, I decided to send a broadcast email to as many people as I thought would care to know about my condition. Here is the text of it:

Subject, "I need your help.."

Some responses of love and support starting coming right away. This is one of the many responses I received: